Yes that’s right folks the end is near. Following 22 weeks of blood bowl, nearly 100 fixtures, record numbers of casualties, touchdowns, fatalities and crowd attendance we nearly reach the end of our story. What a story it has been, and my, my how each of us has come and gone in the telling.
As is its right the main game, the WowLof final will be previewed in a separate commemorative Fido Memorial Bowl programme. But what about the sub plot? What about the inaugural WowCof play off finals?
It feels right some how that the new competition should have a final between two teams in their first season. The sense of unknown is greater, the excitement higher and the emotional pay off more complete. So without further grandstanding and no further a do. Lady, Gentlemen, Oli I give you your Lumpy Memorial Bowl participants;
Village Green Preservation Society v Badizt Basherz
Wood Elves vrs Orcs! Pace, agility and really good hair (and that’s just their coach Philip Bridge) vrs Brute force, heavy armour and a really bad smell (and that’s just their…… erm never mind).
The VGPS have exceeded all expectations this season, not only becoming the most successful wood elf side if wowlof history but also inspiring the next generation of budding elf players. Their success (alongside the Unscrupulous Bastards) has caused a surge in Elvish interest which looks likely to result in a record number of elf teams next season.
The Blood Bowl Assassain Phil Bridge has developed a team built around the core wood elf strengths of speed and movement but that has also demonstrated a steely edge and ability to rough teams up. The pre season signing of tree man blocker Black Willow has given the team an almost unshiftable presence on the LOS (sometimes they literally have to dig his roots out to get him in at half time) and a player who can hold his own against all comers. Two casualties in the semi final against Bone Train demonstrated the big guys importance to the side. This has become even more important following the death of hyper violent line elf Lee Harvey Elfwald.
Whilst the VGPS have held their own on the LOS this season, as ever with Wood Elves it has been in the backfield where the real magic has happened. Glorifindelf has found the end zone with regularity and Elfmar jnr has justified his pricey mid season acquisition from the Catalan Independance Movement. Apparently he cares more about the preservation of Village Greens than he does the independence of his people….. However the real star has been War dancer Likabatoutahelf. Pace, agility and dashing good looks have made this wonder elf one of the most popular players in the whole competition. Only Bastards witch elf mega star Maggie has earned more from off field activities this season and only then because she looks marginally (and we mean marginally) better in lingerie!!!
The Basherz coach Daniel Cunningham has been described as a very special boy since an early age. His team simply refer to him as “Da Spezial Un”. Hi praise indeed from the famously lip locked Orcs. The Basherz progress this season has genuinely been special. They went from beating beaten up and run ragged by the Olde Raty Gitz in game 1 to finishing 3rd in the Bloodwieser conference and narrowly missing a WowLof play off place. Theyve survived losing a black orc and a troll to fatalities in their quarter final and managed to scrape the team back together to squeeze past the much fancied Punishers in a mistake ridden slug fest of a semi final. Perhaps most importantly of all they absolutely hammered the VGPS when the two sides met in the regular season with only a late consolation score for the elves giving the score board any modicum of respectability at 3-1.
If the coach is Spezial then only Mork knows how you describe the team’s star player – Grova! Tough like all Orcs, Grova has pretty average power and pace. What stands him apart is his elf like co ordination, the ability to block and dodge, his flawless tackling technique that cause mighty impacts on the opposition, oh yes and oh my Gork does this boy know where the end zone is.14 tds in a single season is an incredible feat and would be a record but for Teh–Kan of the Prehensile Renegades. Such is Grova s universal appeal that even fans of other teams wear his shirt. Whilst his own lingerie shoots have not sold all that well they are considered a collector’s item by some consumers with niche tastes. Grova is the beating heart of the team and crucial for everything they do well his clash with Likeabatoutahelf could well decide the final.
With the VGPS rumoured to be taking a sabbatical in season V whilst their players look to maximise the benefits of being blood bowl superstars, thrill seeking fans will hope to see then ride off into the sunset with silver wear. Meanwhile the Basherz will look to cement their reputation as the next big thing in Orc blood bowl (following the dissipation of the Smasherz). A wowcof win would help with that.
Now is not the time for predictions. Now is time to sit back and appreciate what will be a wonderful game of blood bowl. Orc v Elf, the blood bowl assassin v da spezial un, Grova v Likeabatouthelf, VGPS v Basherz
They’ll block to kill
They’ll score to thrill
And they’ll praise Nuffle.
And by golly they’ll Damn sure #justbringit