Season VI Playoffs
Ladies, Gentle orcs and single cell organisms. It is my humble privilege to bring you this seasons playoff announcements. My first as Commissioner of WoWLoF and definitely not my last (but more on that later). It has been my honour to see this league grow with each season. May the men of WOWLOF stand tall and proud, you have stood the test of time.
Without further ado, let me introduce the hosts for this evening… former child stars of ‘Borka Grave’, made famous by their chart smash ‘Let’s get ready to Wrestle’ and fresh from serving community service for drunken cart riding antics, I give you Runt McRatling and
*Purple curtains rise as two diminuative but cheeky chappies wander onto the main stage smiling and waving*
Runt: How’s it going?
Dec: Welcome to this year’s WoWLoF’s got talent FINAL!
Runt: (looks confused) Hey wait a sec Dec… I don’t think that’s right.
Dec: What are you on about? (pull a piece of paper out of his pocket) It says right here… WoWLoF’s Final featuring dance routines from the darkland doomaxes, magic tricks from the soul rebels and a stand up comedy routine from Dura Cotan…
Runt: Have you checked the handwriting?
Dec: No.. should I? (reads… the realises) Aw howay man, It says ‘love from Malkin’ at the bottom.
Runt: Malkin at the bottom? That can’t be right.
(Stage hand wanders on and hands Dec another note)
Dec: I shouldda known. I’ve been MALKINED!
Runt: Right then, it must mean that we’re on… I’m a Celebritorc gemme outta ‘ere! We’ve taken 8 coaches dropped them into the middle of the jungle and make them go through a series of bush-muncher trials to determine a winner… hang on… (recieves instructions from ear piece) yes… ahhh…. Got it.
Dec: what is it Runt?
Runt: Looks like we’re not doing that one either…
Dec: I heard they never found those coaches again…
Runt: Now you mention it… (looks awkwardly into crowd)
Runt: Ah this must be the other thing…
Dec: Right… Welcome everyone to the WoW League of Fear: Playoffs!
Runt: Only the best of the best make it this far…
Dec: (whispers to crowd) … and malkin
(pauses for canned laughter)
Runt: The silverware is all to play for.
Dec: for the top 8, the beautiful fido memorial bowl is the glittering prize to aim for
Runt: then the middle 16 are all vying for a shot at the Lumpy memorial trophy
Dec: I heard he died twice you know
Runt: Just like our careers
Dec: anyway without beating around the bush tucker… let’s get this party started (dances)
Runt: the top 8 consist of the most consistently consistent coaches to exist in WoWLoF history… Get my gist?
Dec: … and they’ve been playing hard all season. So from the top we have:
Runt: Slaap n’ Tingle
Dec: Soul Rebels
Runt: Cotanasburg Comrades
Dec: Immortal Kombat
Runt:The Princess is in Another Castle
Dec: Foul & Tickle
Runt: Ball Breaker Corps
Dec:And lastly… Darkland Doomaxes
Runt: the best record in the league gets to make the first choice in the playoffs. This falls to the coach with the most wins this season Matt Washbourne.
Dec: so coach Matt… who’s going to get a Slaap in the face for the playoffs?
(stagehand drops another note to runt)
Runt: Wow… (shows it do Dec)
Dec: Wow indeed…
Runt: Coach Matt must have huge…
Dec: Bigger than me…
Runt: I’ve hear about going big… but I thought that was just the mutations
Dec: (eyes almost pop out of his tiny head)
Runt: First game for the playoffs is Slaap n’ Tingle vs Ball Breaker Corps!
Dec: (passes out in shock)
Runt: Dec… Dec… Oh well i’m sure he’ll be fine… if not I can steal his wardrobe… So getting on with it. This is of course a huge match but what ever was going to happen Coach Matt was looking at playing against either a dwarf or a chaos dwarf team. Still I can’t wait to see this one.
Dec: (slowly stirs)… uhhh what happened?
Runt: Nothing really… Just started with the biggest announcement ever!
Dec: (groggy) have you told them about the other news?
Runt: What other news?
(stage hand again this time with a big pink note)
Dec: Playoff announcements brought to you by Bultar’s Oil. ‘Nothing sorts out rusty bullocks like Bultar’s’
Runt: This is more big news…. Which is why we’ll let you know after our commercial break.
(cutrain raises again)
Dec: The hits just keep coming…
Runt: (looks at note) whoa
Dec: Last time we saw this level of Cadavery Bruised FourScythe was still hosting Strictly Come Maiming.
Runt: I’m just hoping they don’t leave any bits of them behind.
Dec: Next match of this year’s playoffs
Immortal Kombat vs The Princess is in Another Castle!
Runt: I expect this to be the banter bowl for this season
Dec: GIF’s on stand by
Runt: This round brought to you by Dr Funken’s chop shop. For all your regenerative needs.
Runt and Dec recreate ‘lets get ready to Wrestle’ on stage featuring a giant inflatable Pie
Runt: (panting) thank you very much
Dec: That’s what drink will do to you!
Runt: huh… so what new fad diet are you on now?
Dec: I’m on one of those low casualty diets
Runt: really… how’s that working out for you?
Dec: not bad so far
Runt: well… (pulls note from pocket) that wonderful stagehand slipped this to me earlier…
Dec: oh really
Runt: You know how you said low casualties was your thing…
Dec… (looks puzzled)
Runt: well be prepared to say good bye to it on this one.
Next match of the Big 8 playoffs
Soul Rebels vs Darkland Doomaxess
Dec:… oh no… (convulses).. I feel full already… runs off stage
Runt: This round of the playoffs brought to you by Skink-Fast, the fastest way to lose your lunch, made with extra lizards.
Dec staggers back on stage wiping his face, waving the biggest note the stage has seen so far…
Runt: what the heck is that?
Dec: That’s what she said
(whistling wind noise)
Dec: so this note… (groans) is for the last match of the Big 8 playoffs this season
Runt: Honestly, It look like someone’s compensating for something.
Dec: you could say that (turns note over)
(note shows the sponsor Coctang written in huge letters)
Runt: yep… compensating
Dec: well, some might say we save the best till last…
Runt: yep… ‘some’
Dec: (throws a glare at Runt, then takes off his jacket to reveal his entire jacket covered in Coctang symbols) It’s like people only do things because they get paid. And that’s just really sad.
Runt: really… (Rips off jacket and trousers to reveal it one piece body suit covered in Bloodwiser, Orcidas and Reeborc sponsorship symbols)
Runt: sometimes you have to put Cotan back in his place…
Dec: lets do this one together…
Runt and Dec: Last game of the Big 8 Playoffs
Cotansburg Comrades Vs Foul and Tickle
Runt: and good night