WOWZOO Documentry. WOWCOF Playoffs

Eustace Rednorc threw his box of popped squigs at the Cabal Viewer… ‘Wot the Mork is dis grobbits?!? Where’s Holly and Phil? Can’t stand dem stunties and dere stoopid grins.”


He reaches for the channel changer box, well, in the way that an overweight orc who was sat down for the past 16hrs actually puts effort into anything. It was one of those fingertip tickling kind of reaching moments as if the entire universe was preventing him from reaching it. One  finger stroked the side, then another. A few flicks… of…. the… and…. Got it! His fat thumb smushes the rubber button to switch the viewing globe… static… and…


“And here we see the great plains of the serengeti.” Peaceful dulcet tones echoed from the speaker.


At last a sense of decorum was returned to the room. Eustace’s tension seeped away with each passing moment. It was if civility and nature was forged together through in perfect unison. He sighed, relaxed and readjusted his butt cheeks in the chair for another days viewing.


This was the Ser Hittenbororc effect.


Ser David Hittenbororc OMG TD CAS MVP was an expert in his field, pretty much on every field, ever. Obviously the broadcasters had something special planned for today…


“At first we see the wide plateau of the serengeti.  Home to a wide ranging menagerie of animals. This could range from the mightiest predator to the tiniest ant.”


“We’ve chosen to look at a few of these in their natural habitat”


“We start by following  a hyena pack stalking out there prey.  Despite these animals being smaller than their prey, what they lack in size, they make up for in a frenzied disposition.  The first we encounter, we shall name him “smocker” for his laugh does indeed seem to mock his prey, circles around waiting to catch them off guard!”


“Their prey is a fleet-footed and bounding antelope. These graceful animals have all the energy they need to get away, often kicking and leaping to freedom when trapped. So majestic are these creatures they remind me of the knights of old. “Gilglad” the fastest of the herd looks their best bet.”


“What will happen between these two?  Patience, as we wil see.”


“We now turn our attention to the watering hole where a herd of elephants spend time refreshing themselves after a long journey. The strongest of the bunch “Neville” proudly looks across the rest of the troupe, unaware of the danger in the water…”

“Lurking slowly under the surface, taking it’s time, floating if you will… is an often underestimated beast. The hippopotamus. It’s jaws boast great strength and can be react if feeling threatened.  The largest of the group presents itself to its unsuspecting opponents as a set of floating islands, an “Islea” if you will”


“Tensions are becoming rife as these two approach…”


“Around the other side of the watering hole, we see that it is home to some smaller but still nimble creatures.  The graceful flamingo for one, steadily balancing themselves carefully in the water and light on their feet. The most captivating, we shall name after my own first love “Doris”, simply beautiful to behold”


“They eye up the slipperiest of silver fish hiding under the surface of the water, dipping in and out of the reeds, dashing between the sparse cover it provides. The sleekest and fastest here we shall call ‘Joaquin’ as he flies through the water below”


“Will the fish here end up as the next meal?”


“Just beyond the watering hole, we turn our attention to some marsh land. Inhabited by the strangely erratic crocodiles found relaxing in the swamps. The alpha among them is clearly a hero of the bask, one for action… like an action hero one might say. We name him “Dan Vamme”. They bide their time in wait for any unsuspecting prey to wonder into the swamps.”


“Fortunately for them, a creature that is just as erratic has chosen to do so. The wild dogs often work in packs but it looks like this one may have become separated from the rest of the group. This “dogman” is not sure what to do, as the crocodiles slither closer…”


“Onto one of the most well known beasts of the plains, the Lion. As a pride they can take down some of the biggest beasts, like they have done in previous seasons. They still appear to be feasting on their most recent bloodied prey. The king of the pride appears to be “shivers” mainly due to the fear he can put into his contemporaries.”


“Waiting in the wings… A kettle of vultures circles above.  Another animal that relies on pack tactics to survive. They wait for their opportunity to strike, stealing in on they prey that others may have already taken down. You can hear the leader of the group “Leia” coordinating the venue.”


“The Buffalo, often a herd animal, grazes carefully on the grasses. Led by the two strongest and largest “rib eye” and “topside”, you can tell that when the troop is threatened, that they could easily gore the perpetrator to pieces. Woe be tide who takes these on…”


“Carefully staring down the buffalo, is another herd animal. Noted for its unique colourings, the wildebeest, looks like it could take on the foe as it’s equal.  And the lack of food on the plains may force it to do so sooner. The meanest looking beast, shall we say “Ginger Sneer” has the rest of the group behind him as they lock eyes across the plains”


“Some beasts simply make destruction where ever they go. The Rhino, at speed, is more than capable of smashing through anything in front of it. The crash you see here led by  “Kar’voth” could carve a neat hole in its next blockade. There’s a reason why it is called a gore.”


“The highest animal on the plain, the Giraffe, surprises its onlookers with its grace and poise. “Razzleberry” named for its unique pattern, towers above the rest. Often aloof and avoids trouble, although it doesn’t look like they have much choice here.  Will the giraffes be standing tall when the rhinos have passed through?”


“As the sun set on the serengeti, our focus turns to the last two animals on our showcase.”


“This is the time of the day where other animals come out to hunt. The golden wolf or sometimes known as the grey jackal, shares behaviour with other members of its family.  Strength is always found in the pack. “Moutinho” clearly directs the rest here as their hunting time approaches…”


“Between them and their prey lies a small, but not insignificant opponent.  There’s a reason why these are avoided, especially by humans. It can strike twelve times in a row, with enough cardio-toxin to bring enemies down within an hour. The largest we shall nickname “stanky leg”, the irony is that he doesn’t have any! I think it’s safer to whisper this one… Black Mamba”

Eustace Rednorc lies asleep in front of the Cabal Viewer, snoring like a new born. The screen shows infomercials on repeat… some celebrity endorses a new jockstrap that “lifts… and separates”

“lifts… and separates”

“lifts… and separates”

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