Greetings BloodBowl fans, and welcome to this special report about the Southfarthing Piemen.
Following unconfirmed reports of the Piemen being wiped out, we were able to catch up with Treemen and fan favourites, Spruce Lee & Capt. James T. Birch. Both of whom sat down to provide an exclusive interview with roving reporter, Skimpy McShortarse. Here is that exclusive.
“Thanks for sitting down with me, I was hoping to ask you a number of questions that the fans want answering?”
“I am Spruce”
“That’s right Spruce. We’re more than happy to answer any questions you have Skimpy.”
“Brilliant. So we’ve had unconfirmed reports that your teammates are all dead. What can you tell me about this?”
“I am Spruce.”
“Okay. Errr would you like to add anything to that James?”
“No. And you will address me as Captain.”
“Errrr okay …… Captain. So what about the reported disappearance of Coach Smith.”
“I AM SPRUCE”
“Errrrrr Captain, I’m not sure what Spruce means. Can you elaborate?”
(Sigh) “Listen Shorty, and listen closely. We’re retired, we are no longer playing BloodBowl.”
“Listen closely Shorty.”
“You questioning me Shorty?”
“Errrr no sir, Captain sir.”
“Spruce wants to pursue his talk show career.”
“I am spruce”.
“Yes I was going to tell them about the acting opportunities also . Myself, I’m going on a hiking exhibition across the dwarven mountains on a journey of self discovery.”
“But but but, what about the Piemen, the season kicks off this week?”
“Well as a result of the events this weekend, the rampaging Orcs, the flings being busted up and maimed. It just helped Spruce and I decide on taking early retirement.”
“Ah yeah, I forgot about the gaffer being tied up and taken by those Orcs. He looked like a strussed up turkey. He didn’t look happy.”
“Wait a second. The Piemen have been beaten up, you two have decided to retire, and a bunch of Orcs have kidnapped Coach Smith? What will the team do?”
“I am Spruce”
“Yes Spruce, this guy is an idiot. Listen son, and listen well. There is no team. There is no coach. The Piemen are not gonna be playing this season. Got that? Good. This interview is now over”.
Well there you go folks, it appears the Southfarthing Piemen are no more, and that the 86’ers are gonna get a default win. Wow, what a shocking opener to the season. I’m Brenda, and this is goodnight from me ……. for now.