First week results are in:
Artic Annihilation 3-1 Avian Atrocities (CAS 4-2)
Quetzalcloacas 2-0 Disease Dusciples (CAS 3-1)
Spartak Moscelfs 6-0 Southfarthing Piemen (CAS 3-3)
First week results are in:
Artic Annihilation 3-1 Avian Atrocities (CAS 4-2)
Quetzalcloacas 2-0 Disease Dusciples (CAS 3-1)
Spartak Moscelfs 6-0 Southfarthing Piemen (CAS 3-3)
“Imbeciles” Muttered Coach Albutt wiping the gore from his hands as the carriage rolled along. “How hard is it to just say head north for 40 mile down that road and take a left? Honestly its like pulling teeth.” It had actually involved teeth pulling when the barman had tried to be a little shady about the information.
It had all started when the carriage had taken a wrong turn some considerable miles back. The travel had already been long and cold , winter was almost past but the cold refused to relinquish its hold on the land. There had been plenty to occupy Martin’s mind with what little he knew to expect and just how he would recover from the awkward blow that had been dealt to his career.
It had not been hard for him to miss the fact that the driver had begun to progress along the wrong road but before he could realise it was to late.
“What manner of driver is incapable of Navigation? Where are we Drokfen?” growled Martin forcing the rage back down. To kill The driver Drokfen would be a mistake right now especially this far out …where ever the my were.
“ I..I don’t know sir” blurted Drokfen fearing for his life, “ BUT I know we passed a small road side inn a 2 miles back. I’m sure we can get direction there” he quickly added flashing a sheepish smile.
“For you health you best hope we can. If we miss our rendezvous your skin shall be used to replace the cushions on my seat and your writhing corpse as a new hood ornament. We have only 2 days to reach the team”
WOWLOF Season 8, kicks off 3rd March 2020.
Evening sportsfans – Grotty Bubbles here again (despite the restraining order!) for my first foray into season 7 punditry!
So without further ado here’s what we can expect of the latest installment from WoWLoF’s finest…..
Necromance is Dead Vs The Dirty Rats:
Seasoned Skaven to toe the line against WoWLoF’s newest Necromantic team. Where the balance of experience on the part of the players lies with the Rats here, that balance swings back the other way when considering the coaches. The Dirty Rats are fielding probably the fastest lineup in the league, and after a steep learning curve in their inaugural season seem to now be finding their feet a bit more.
Arrayed against them is a solid if slightly green Necro squad. However, in addition to a narrow win over an equally unblooded Chaos team in the form of Kill Marnock, Necromance have also chalked up a victory over the 2nd season Necro team of coach Reynolds!
The key here will be for the Rats to keep players on the pitch, and for Necromance to find a way to slow down those gutter runners!
I’m predicting a lot of fast moving play from sideline to sideline and back again with the final whistle delivering….
Greetings Blood Bowl fans, and welcome to another week of WoWLoF previews with me, Brenda.
Tonight, I am joined by star Witch Elf of the Unscrupulous Bastards, and my BFF, Maggie. Thanks for coming down this week.
“My pleasure. We’re still partying later at that new club later, The Blood River?”
Of course we are. We’ll be drinking and bathing in Blood later. But first, tell me what you think about this weeks games, and we have a few. So we have an all Orc affair, Da’ Fanged Fury vs Legendzs of Olde.
With a particularly cruel twist of luck last night, Nuffle sprinkled his particular brand of foul fairy dust over mine and Peter’s match.
After giving him the lions share of the bash game for most of the proceedings and setting up what should have been an equaliser for the Koffin Dodgers, Nuffle well and truly pissed in Peter’s pocket.
Firstly a rampaging Minotaur crashed the party in the dying moments knocking the ball loose. Peter recovered it, but the whole thing left him needing two GFIs to score……
Nuffle wasn’t even gentlemanly enough to let him pass the first one.
As a potty mouthed Essex boy myself, I must admit to being impressed with the sustained string of profanities that came from my hitherto good humoured and affable opponent.
Tough luck there Peter – I take little joy in a victory under those conditions old fruit.
Wellll good evening follow sports fans ahhhh its good to be back home here at WOWLOF. Yet another season kicks of and much thanks to my fellow presenter Brenda for warming up the run to all this. I’m sure none of you need introductions to me but for those of you who don’t know who i am by now get out. Carlos Brittlebark here with some of this weeks main match ups for you so lets got down to things shall we?
The Bearded Butchers (Martin William) VS Soul Rebels (Peter Gallagher)
What just a minute am i watching a repeat with a typo or something as I’m sure these two have faced each other before. What they have well this could turn out to be a Grudge match for the Bearded Butchers who played last season under the name of Got Beef? If history has anything to say this will be a white wash for the soul rebels again but they may not come out so clean this time arsayd if the butchers can finally find that perfect cut.
3-0 to the soul rebels I’m thinking hear but the bearded butchers will take the prize casualty count with 4-0
Greetings BloodBowl fans, and welcome to this special report about the Southfarthing Piemen.
Following unconfirmed reports of the Piemen being wiped out, we were able to catch up with Treemen and fan favourites, Spruce Lee & Capt. James T. Birch. Both of whom sat down to provide an exclusive interview with roving reporter, Skimpy McShortarse. Here is that exclusive.
“Thanks for sitting down with me, I was hoping to ask you a number of questions that the fans want answering?”
“I am Spruce”
Welcome back to the show folks, and whilst we try to ascertain what is going on with Skimpy, down in Southfarthing. Let’s take a look at Tuesday’s other two games.
So we have another Elf team in the mix ‘Expected Toulouse’, who have hired themselves returning coach Oliver Lones. Having been away from the game for awhile on a journey of self discovery, with the monks from the mountains to the east. Coach Lones states he has dealt with all his anger issues, and is willing to embrace the spirit of the game come what may. Well, this reporter gives him until halftime before chairs are being thrown and the Elves experience the wrath of Lones.
The opponents for this game are Coached by two season veteran, Nigel Dickens who returns with his dominant Orc team, ‘Legendz of Olde’. These guys marched through most opponents last season, displaying their dominance on the gridiron. I think this will be a brutal “Welcome back” for Coach Lones, and if he gets trapped in having to block against these Orc brutes, he is unfortunately going to lose hard. Both players, and in scoreline.
I see this one going 2-2, but with the Orcs winning 4-0 on CAS.
Good evening BloodBowl fans, and welcome to ‘Tonight with Brenda’. So here we are on the eve of the seventh season of WoWLoF, and we are seeing new teams enter the fray, and old teams go by the wayside. Twenty Three teams stand off against each other, looking to get that slight advantage that may see them get to the playoffs. For one of these teams, they will step up and an crowned the WoWLoF champion, leaving 22 other teams in the dust.
So let’s take a closer look at this first week’s matches in closer detail.
Immortal Kombat V Koffin Dodgers XI.
Another league game in Bloodweiser was just minutes away from kickoff. Two teams at opposite ends of the table fighting for very different things. Dodgers fighting for that elusive win in the first season and Kombat looking to keep pressure on and regain 2nd place. This was going to be a belter from the off.
24k fans showed up for this Undead encounter slightly favouring the Dodgers in numbers. You could sense the fans were restless just as much as the player and wanted it to kick of ASAP.
Greetings sportsfans – let me introduce myself…… Grotfang Bloodbubble is the name, though most folks call me Grotty Bubbles.
That was my performing name back when I tried my hand at being a professional Snotling entertainer….. but I packed all that in after a nasty incident involving some squig dung and a balloon animal – ‘orrible mess, best not to talk about it!
Anyways – enough of all that as I’ve now turned my hand to a bit of bookmaking and general punditry. So after an invitation from WoWLoF supremo, Commissioner Fear (lovely fella, salt of the earth), I’m here to have a punt at this weeks predictions.
Remember folks – no money back, no guarantees…… and if no one else will take ya money, Grotty’s ya goblin!
Shafts of light scythed through the gaps between the ill-fitting boards of the ancient wooden gate, partly illuminating the stifling gloom of the players tunnel. With them they brought the heat and dust of the amphitheatre beyond, and glimpses of the strangest crowd the TrapBait Dodgers had ever seen. Amongst the spectators for the forthcoming match were Orc marauders, humans from passing trade caravans and delegations invited from all mortal realms to witness the power of the Tomb Kings necromancy. But most eerily of all was the horde of skeletal minions, summoned seemingly for no other purpose than to give the illusion of a stadium full of cheering fans. The half tormented wails of these undead spectators mixed with the genuine cheers of the living to create a distantly familiar, yet uniquely unsettling barrage of noise, further unnerving the Dodger’s players.
The goblins shifted from foot to foot, while some of the skaven clawed at themselves as the anxiety rose. Above their heads the excited trampling of the crowd reached a crescendo, causing more dust to descend as a fine mist upon the occupants of the tunnel. At the same time a legion of huge timpani drums began beat in unison signaling the impending emergence of the two teams – Bom, Bom, Ba-Ba-Ba, Bom…. Bom, Bom, Ba-Ba-Ba, Bom.
Many knew what it was to face the infamous Coach Malkin, with many of those able to attest to how it felt to be Malkined, as it had come to be known. First comes the earnest enquiries and apparent openess, quickly followed by the most beguiling of flattery, to which Coach Pearce himself had almost succumbed. However once he has what he wants, silence, as he allows the seeds of doubt so expertly sown to germinate – half the work is done for that most Machiavellian, Malevolent Malkin….
“.…..but that shall not be how the story ends today my boys. Whatever you find on the other side of this gate – hold your nerve, stay united and work together. Sharpen your claws boys.…..”
One by one the Dodgers fear turned to focused, malign intent – a deep rumbling growl grew from the belly of their talismanic troll, whilst team captain, Kurt Macarena, shoved aside the gate that stood between them and destiny.
”.……DEAD MEN HOLD NO FEAR FOR US!”
Slow postal service up in the Highlands…. But a letter received from Ginger Sneer himself following Irn Bruisers latest defeat…
Lads o’ th’ WOWLOF,
Le’ me tell you aboot this last bloody game we ha’ play’d th’ las’ week.
We lin’d up o’ th’ field and laugh’d at th’ sight afore us- a pair o’ trees and a bunch o’ smallfolk.
I looked at me bro’s and we had a wee sly smile betw’n us – this were gonna be an easy ‘un.
We took th’ toss in our fav’r… an’ tha’ might ha’ bin ah firs’ mistake.
Me lads took a few pops and knocked some o’ th’ small folk over with ease, and I fetched up th’ ball, wantin’ to lob it to ma good mate, who bloody dropp’d th’ thin’.
Then th’ small folk made me pay for me laughter. A giant fist from a damn tree took out one o’ me linemen, and a half’un knocked doon one ah me Big Bruisers. And to cap it off, they started runnin’ right f’r me ‘n’ th’ ball!
I grabbed th’ ball again ‘n’ headed ‘cross th’ pitch, grabbin’ me lads o’ th’ way t’ cover me. But still th’ big trees and small ‘uns kept comin’ f’r us. I was waitin’ for Shandy Bash to come join us, when th’ great galoot tripped over his damn feet and took a nasty ol’ slam to his face.
These ‘Halflin’’ blokes just kep’ on comin’ to me, and we slowly pushed our way through em.
I could see Shocker gettin’ into place to make a helluva run for it, but I were surrounded by half a dozen short arses, so I went full guts ‘n’ glory, got th’ ball to one o’ me Blitzers (who can tell which, they look so damn alike in th’ mud!) ‘n’ managed a spectacular run and pass to Shocker. He ran righ’ up th’ pitch and got us tha’ Touchdown. 1-0 Bruisers… Tha’ should see us to half time… or so I thought.
We kicked th’ damn ball to th’ short folk, no way he could get to our end in th’ remainin’ time, his legs ain’t long enough.
Tha’s when th’ bloody tree launched him up into th’ air and over our heads. He soar’d like a fat feckin’ pigeon… but then he landed and ran th’ ball away from my fellas… we were scrabblin’ like hell to reach him, but the little fella kept squirmin’ away from us. 1-1 at half time.
*NOM* Well good afternoon folks Carlos Brittlebark here enjoying one of the Southfarthing piemen’s new open service restaurant with some of the best pies to be baked. Here at the new
Southern Pie plate you can get any sort of filling you could want (except Halfling disappointingly). *NOM*. Well shall we get started folks.
Dan Reynolds- Immortal Kombat VS Alex – Victorious Secret
Well I must say these girls are looking really good out there lately and I don’t mean there attire *Ahem* best not progress down that road after my last encounter with an amazon tribe. These girls will be hoping to keep things on model form against there opponents Immortal Kombat.
After having to add a few fresh (or fresher) faces to the rotten line up questions arise as to whether coach Reynolds can keep cool and stop his teams necrotic losses.
2-1 to Immortal Kombat sadly as the ugly and foul smell of the undead teams main line up rival that of the worshippers of Nurgle but as for Cas 1-0 as Fido gets put in his kennel buy these beautiful ladies.
Greetings Bloodbowl fans, and welcome to this special news bulletin. We have an update from our roving reporter, Skimpy McShortarse, who has been speaking to several key sources from everyone’s favourite Norse team, Fist of the Norse Star.
Skimpy, over too you.
“Thanks Brenda. Here at the Fists training ground, we’ve heard that team regular Bjorn Free, is heading back to the North….. leaving the coveted number 6 jersey up for grabs. I managed to get a few words with Bjorn, who says of his decision to quit the Fists “I’m done. I’m heading back to the cold before i end up back to the mud!”
When asked what has prompted this decision he replied “I got impaled by a Beastman called Kruul, and broke my hip .. MY HIP! Think about it…… look…. i’m done…”
Its unclear as yet who will take the new number 6 jersey, but with the frenzied fist fans baying for blood, it wont be long before this bloodstained jersey is back on a lineman.
Coach Chris Fletcher issued this comment “we give the fans what they want. They pile into the stands, they pay the gate, they cheer as one of the dozen gets smashed to pieces, then we replace them next game. Last game it was Bjorn, before that it was our number 9, it’s always players wearing numbers 6 or 9. ….. say… you’re not a journalist are you??? FK! ‘No comment at this time’”
Brenda, back too you.
ladies gentlemen and Liam Baker!!! As we cross halfway we are about to run into a truly titanic tuesday! That’s it folks 11 games. 22 coaches. It’s big it’s brutal fuck me if this isn’t what wowlof does better than any other league in the country.
Pass to thrill
Block to kill
Praise be to nuffle
Oh yeah and here is the preview. You may want to make sure that you are sitting comfortably because it is huge.
Star Warts v Wolves Ay We
A win, a draw and 2 losses marks a decent return from the opening two periods for wowlofs second ever Slaan team. The Star Warts have looked busy on offence with the combo of Flywater and Kenobi looking particularly dangerous. However Defensively they’ve looked a little lightweight conceding 8 in 4 and they seem to lack a bit of agression, having only inflicted 1 cas so far…
Good evening Blood Bowl fans. I’m Penathon Folde and this is your previews for the upcoming matches in the greatest league of them all…..WOWLOF!
Up first is RIP & Maul v The Greenbile Hackers. RIP & Maul have had a cracking last couple of games winning them both and looking to push higher up the table, Millertime and Mitch the Bitch have taken a valuable part in the success at the moment. The hackers have had different fortunes over the last couple losing to The Piemen, and drawing to Swamp Donkeys. They will be looking to get back on winning ways in this one. I think The Hackers will be victors here running out 2-1 winners in both TD and CAS.
Humans, Orcs, Elves & Daemons. Welcome to another edition of WoWLoF ’The Previews’, with me Brenda, and tonight’s guest, none other than fan favourite, and fellow fashionista, Bellatrix.
“Thank you for having me Brenda”.
A pleasure. So, you and the Masochistic Sadists won the WoWLoF title last season, some would say quite easily. But the team haven’t entered this seasons competition. Why is that?
“Well Brenda, when we won the title, we celebrated as only dark elves know how. There have been many parties, many ……. how can I describe it, of a violent and sordid nature.”
Well good afternoon folks It’s me again Carlos Brittlebark here with all your WOWLOF sporting news and rumour needs bought to you by Tritex games and CoCtang the drink that just keeps giving (warning side effects, after tastes and mutations have nothing to do with this product and are manifestations of your own doing. T&C apply. Always ready the label). Well then ladies and gentlemen Shall we get this show started.
Dan Reynolds- Immortal Kombat VS NicFear – Southfarthing Piemen
“sigh” what is it about this season that the dead don’t stay dead? Its must be the love of the game that’s all I can really say, although they wont be finding many usable spare part from there opponents this time out. Immortal Kombat managed by Coach Reynolds , take to the field to face there shortest opponents and possibly the scariest by far the Southfarthing Piemen lead by Coach Fear. The short but irritated bakers will be out to settle some sort of grudge against there undead opponents (probably some law suit against there pies I don’t know) or there just crazier that a squig turd.
When it comes down to it I can see splinters fly hard and fast but the piemen will give as good as they get. 2-1 to Immortal Kombat with both side pushing hard. CAS I hear you ask? Well it got to go in Immortals favour again but not all the way 4-2 as spruce (is he still alive?) Or someone like him smashing the undead beyond repair.
The Ball Breaker Corps get their first win of the season...but who are they?
Greetings Bloodbowl fans, and welcome to this weeks edition of the WoWLoF preview show. I’m Brenda, and this week I’m joined by none other than Alan Carp, former lineman for Carp Diem.
So Alan, you died last week, how are you coping now that your dark elf Bloodbowl career is over?
“Well I’m dead ain’t I, what the fuk happened there. I was a-bit downhearted if I’m honest Brenda, but around every gravestone is another opportunity.”
And what opportunity is that Alan?
“Well, after I died, I was immediately signed up for another team that saw my potential. I am now signed up to play for the Koffin Dodgers. Can you believe it? What the fuk!!”
Oh to be a journeyman in the Nuffle leagues…
After the mauling at the hands of Slaap and Tingle the previous game, even with a new player Tre Burp’on added to the roster team Rip and Maul could only field 7 players without a single lineman fit for duty.
Coach Bryan The Bear scoured the lower leagues and managed to get four journeymen on his roster for the upcoming game against the Irn Bruisers. Being that it was a similar force to the one that had been faced the previous game, it was decided that names were of little importance and so journeymen #1, #2, #3, #4 faced up to the daunting prospect of trying to keep 4 Black Orc Blockers at bay.
Introducing the latest star addition to the Trapbait Dodgers stable…….
Teddy Bommba ‘The Wolf Goblin’
Fed up of being pushed around, as most goblins are, Teddy decided to take matters further than most. After stumbling across an old Cabalvision training montage he began the most ungoblin-like behaviour of physical training. After discovering that the more warpstone he consumed the more he could train, Teddy was soon spending all his time lifting rocks and wrestling giant spiders.
However, not even he realised how much of an effect all that warpstone would have.
Greetings my loyal subjects. I am Domme Inatrix, witch elf extraordinaire. It is great to be back here in the League of Fear. With such stars of the game as System of a Touchdown and the Prehensile Renegades, we can be sure that…
What do you mean they’re not coming back? What about the champions, the Masochistic Sadists?
…a halfling team, is he crazy?! Is there anyone still here from last time?
Oh, well this is a little awkward. I actually met up with the king of CoC himself in the season downtime. That guy is into some kinky stuff…
Greetings Blood Bowl fans, and welcome to week 4 of WoWLoF season 6. I’m Brenda, the NUMBER ONE reporter for all things WoWLoF. Tonight I’m joined by a legend within the game, he is the one they all tried to kill, but guess what, he usually killed them. That’s right, it’s the one and only PSYCHO, from every ones favourite team, System of a Touchdown. Welcome to the studio Psycho.
“Hiya pet. Wonderful to be ‘ere”
We have a lot of games to get through, so let’s start with the Southfarthing Piemen vs The Hooded Claws.
Chucky ‘Bang Bang’ Batusi, former live show pyrotechnics expert for the TrapBait Dodgers and firm favourite amongst Dodgers fans. Chucky swapped his trademark fireworks for slightly more weapons grade explosives in preparation for his team’s opening WoWLoF league match against Carp Diem.
When asked about his inaugural match and the insidious threat of the Carp’s assassin, Prawn Connery, Chucky replied,
“Isn’t that just like a dark elf…. brings a knife to a bomb fight!”
Unfortunately Chucky got a little over excited in the game and ended up taking himself and several team mates out of action during key points of the match. However the fans loved every minute of his time on the pitch seeing a spike in merch sales after the game. It’s probable to say that Chucky will be frequently sighted around the Dodgers dugout over the weeks and months to come!
A quiet morning in the hut village of Brawlsgarden. Many a green skin are just coming round from another night of drinking, fighting, repeat…
Some are nursing sore heads, some sore faces, but most are quiet… not all…
Boggy the swamp troll, not renown for intellectual agility, is reflecting on the last few months.
“Ok boss… I fink I got dis now. Last year some da boyz go t’city fera’ big ol’ fight?”
“Yeah Boggy” said Dexter… “Dis ain’t new stuff, we bin talkin’ bout this for eva”
“Yeah yeah yeah” said Boggy getting visibly excited now… “An after ya fight sum dem other folk for bit, turns out youz not in a fight at all? Hahahha”
“Yeah Boggy… turnz out we woz on fooz ball grass… not fightin’ grass. An all the folk cheersin’ were cheersin’ for da fooz ball!”
“Bwhahaha!! So why you not leave?”
“Cuz Crunchy P sed… dem folk still cheersin’ wen we bash dem other folk. Let’s ‘tend to play fooz ball an carry on bashin dem other folk! After da fight dem folk still give us gold!”
“Ah, Crunchy P da smartestist Orc da is!”
Dexter growled. The rivalry between the two of them was legendary in the village.
“No! I da smartestist! Was Dexter sed that we get some bigga Boyz an go back!”
“Oh oh oh, dats when I come in?!”
“Yeah Boggy, my idea t’bring da troll! More bashin’ means more cheersin’ means more gold for drinkin’!”
“Oh… I got it now! Dem fights woz much fun!” Boggy was grinning from ear to ear.
“Yeah, was bestest, we got so much gold for da boyz, we drink for weeks!”
“So wen we gonna back fer sum more bashin’ Dex?!”
“Nex’ month Boggy wen da fightin’… I meanz fooz grass opens agen!”
“Oh… but I sin dem fancy folk in matchin’ cloth go t’city on da karts last week…”
“Wha?!” Said Dexter dropping his breakfast ale…
“Yeah” replied Boggy. “An wen da boyz are sleepy in da noon (afta all da drinkin’), me big earz ‘earz the cheersin’ in t’city!”
Dexter jumped up and let out an almighty cry!
Boyz! Dey started da fightin’ without us!!! Ge ya shit, da WAAAARRGHIORS are goin’ back t’city!!”
Good morning sports fans Carlos Brittlebark here with yet another tasty sports report.
Well before we get this weeks games underway we have a special note if any of your loved ones have fallen gravely ill then take then to Flechers and Reynolds Undertakers they promise to deall with their needs. Also a great thanks to Jason Tritex for sponsoring WOWLOF Just Bring It.
Well lets get started shall we?
Jim McMahon – Ball Breaker Corps VS Peter Gallager – Soul rebels.
Jim McMahon is one of the Leagues most successful coaches to ever grace the glorious game delving deep in the mountains this season to return with a new team the Ball Breaker Corps. Facing them is another of the leagues top coaches Peter Gallager who last season sadly lost out to the masochistic sadists but helped to coach Chop Suey to the top of the casualty table with a impressive 30+ (I cant remember the exact figures) in his entire career playing for System of a Touchdown. This will be a clash off titans as peter takes the field with his new wood elf team under his wing but will it be the chopping block for these tree huggers or with the Dwarven Corps break there own balls (in anger).
This shouldn’t be to hard a fight so long as the elves steer clear of the dwarven defence. 2-1 to the Soul Rebels with the Breaker Corps taking the casualties 2-0
Match previews: 11.09.18
Good evening sports fans. I am Penathon Folde and I shall be going through the upcoming matches for this week. There are some juicy games this week, so let’s “leap” right in!
Singing in the Willows vs Immortal Kombat.
This is the second game for the Willows. Coming out of the Bloody Nine match like a Tamed Bear with a sore head. Managing the draw, but having to say a fond farewell to the Treeman…Treebeard, who decided to die when a lowly Orc tapped him. Immortal Kombat have yet to play a competitive game pre-season went well and showed what the team could do, and where improvements need to be made. It’s going to be a tough game for both sides and either could take the win.
Well Bloodbowl fans, the season’s opening round hasn’t disappointed.
With an Amazon vs Amazon clash things were going to be lively.
The formalities of team introductions went un-noticed as the pre-match entertainment spilled over into a fully-fledged pitch invasion which left 7 players laid out on the ground.
Throughout the first half ‘Victorious Secret’ played some good running ball scoring 2 touchdowns while ‘The She Wolves’ didn’t seem to think the ball was an important part of the game.
Into the second half and the aggressive playing style of ‘The She Wolves’ came through as they reduced the ‘Victorious Secret’ numbers with some dubious moves. Apparently, stiletto heels and stiletto knives are considered to be one and the same.
One of the ‘She Wolves’ more blatant assaults saw 3 sending offs, Catcher Mikaela, Blitzer ‘Red’ Sonja and Coach Ellson himself. For some reason the Hafling Referee didn’t agree with Coach Ellson’s challenge to the decision and questioning the Ref’s parentage as ‘Your father was a Dwarf with Hamsters in his beard and your Elven mother smelt of elderberries’ only resulted in 2 large gentlemen from stadium security escorting him out.
This seemed to spark ‘The She Wolves’ to greater efforts (fouls) and one of ‘Victorious Secrets’ lineswomen who had previously been pinned to the floor stunned for 4 turns was kicked straight from the re-start and stretchered off.
A late equalizer brought the score to 2:2 but with 4 casualties inflicted by ‘The She Wolves’ for the cost of 3 sending offs.
Post-match analysis revealed the real star of the match was whichever Dwarven artisan had made the teams armour as it was only breached 6 times all game.
WoWLoF Season 6 begins and a new story starts. Because you see this is a story. It is a story of a league that grew from humble beginnings to become one of the big leagues.
It is a story of gnarled veterans, oh so gnarled, coming back to have another shot at the big time. They come back even though they know the sacrifice involved and the cost. It is the story of fresh faced (in some case) newbies who have no idea what they’ve got themselves involved in. By the time they realise it’ll be too late.
Greeeting sports fans its me again Carlos BrittleBark with a rather special programme for you tonite bought to you by the by WOWLOF and its sponsors Tritex Gaming LTD.
This evening we have a couple of guests from the WOWLOF finals. Many know this team as one man has made a real brutal name for himself over the few seasons so much that we have increased security on set Chop Suey and not to forget the System of a touchdowns Touch down scorer Psycho.
Well greeting to you both and may i say wow 3 seasons and you have made the finals ever time that’s pretty impressive record and that just your team you both have a pretty impressive record each now just for the audience Chop Suey how many casualties have you caused over you entire carrier?
“36” *Chop Suey smiles*
WOW that is impressive i mean it no wander you have received so many death threats. The most recent one from Coach Malkin of the baby bells where if I’m not mistake was your first ever touchdown?
“HA couch Malkin was a weak southling Blaggard. He never had the chance against me. I have never taken any of the threats seriously as the gods have always smiled on me.”
Well your about to take on the Masochistic Sadists in the finals how are you feeling? as last time you where here you faced you where facing Prehensile Renegades.
“We will win this season as the dark elves will pay in blood for those that we lost last season. In honour of both Marmalade and D Devil who fell to the renegades i shall hurt ever elf i catch”
A bold statement from one of the leagues finest killers.
“Welcome BloodBowl fans, to this, the Semi-Final show. We will be looking at all the upcoming matches in both WoWLoF and WoWCoF, and discussing who will make the finals, and who will fail and not be remembered. I’m Brenda, and I’m joined by Amanto Hugnkyss, and his partner in …… well, annoying me. Spruce Lee. Welcome to you both.”
“Why thank you darling, it’s soooo fabulous to be here once again. And may I say how delightful you are looking today”.
“No you may not. So let’s look at the WoWCoF semifinals first off. We have the Cotanasburg Comrades up against Foul & Tickle, with our other game being between Runic Rampage & The Poker Men. Both matches being Humans against Dwarves. Amanto, let’s look at the Comrades vs F&T.”
Can you feel that tingling sensation; that delicate mix of fear and bloodlust? This is what the game is all about. I can already smell the blood on the air.
No wait, that’s a pasty…
Oh for Nuffle’s sake, it’s the stunty off.
I came out of retirement for this? For seven centuries I was the queen of blood; hundreds of confirmed kills, and some of them even on the pitch! The crowds would scream my name in ecstacy!
Alas, it’s all come down to this, a match up between orc droppings and the team too short for the rides at the Kislev circus. It’s a bad sign when halflings take to blood bowl. How bad a cook do you have to be to think that being trampled into the mud, game after game, is a better option?
So following his defeat to Coach Malkin and his team, The Baby Bells. Coach Neill had this to say:-
With the recent news of coach Ben Malkin’s move next season we caught up with coach Neill for his thought on his rivals chances next season.
“Prepare to be disappointed Khemri fans, if there are any!Malkin used all his luck in the first round of the play offs! What you mistook as a team coming together under Malkin was actually just a team desperately trying to survive on the blood bowl field despite him! The Doomaxes are coming for Malkin and whatever pathetic team he coaches will be turned to dust!”
Following the hullabaloo and the razmataz all that was left was the game. A quarter final match up between two sides with differing strengths and philosophies. The Bloody Nine who had shocked the world by finishing second in Bugmans. Not the most prolific touchdown scorers or casualty causers but with a superb defensive record (only 6 conceded) and reputation for doing enough. Shorn of their star player Friendly (RIP) the Nine set their stall out early, with Coach Barnes commenting in the pre match press conference “we’re going to take as long as possible to score and cause as much damage as possible”
As the temperature rises throughout the long and arduous season, the Comrades decided to have an open training session to boost fan morale at the city’s local park. A long session filled with a few fan participation exercises occurred but not all was as it seemed, there was obviously gossip. The main topic of conversation was the basherz top guy Coach Cunningham and his mysterious new markings noticed at the end of the play off fixture vs System. Markings that looked somewhat similar to markings seen on the damaged collarbone on star thrower Dura Cotan when he removed his training Jersey to give to a young fan at the end of the his participation in a throwing exercise. Mutterings of a poor taste tattoo or something more sinister? Not noticed before the loss to the Knights of Winstone fans are adamant this is a new feature on Cotan. Coach Baker held a press conference after the session and when asked about the nature of the marking, Baker simply replied “Dura called in a favour. I’m well aware of the goings on in the team and everything is above board and we’re doing our best to ensure the fitness and health levels are at their highest”. The fans although gossiping about this idnt seem too concerned as most seemed hopeful of their progress to the next round of the playoffs despite a difficult and unfortunate season. This press release also featured the announcement of the Cotanasburg Comrades latest training ground sponsor “Coctang” the new Orange, Berry and Apple flavoured beverage range from the new joint business venture from both Cheese and Cotan.
*cameras still rolling*
We tune back into the live feed for some breaking news…
*Binky and Ghaastie are lying around on the floor, empty glass bottle lying everwhere*
*A stick from off shot pokes the pair of them*
*Binky sits up, rubs eyes, readjusts hair do*
‘Oh… Hello again everyone… I’m guessing you didn’t quite get enough action yesterday’
*Ghaastie still snoores* ‘zzzzzzz…. Brrrrap’
*Cue dancing goblin this time holding a pie*
‘Thank you Gilbert… I’ve just received this pie… Perfect for a hangover’
*Binky goes to eat it, but Gilbert waves his arms around going crazy and interrupts… He then points at the crust and then walks off stage*
‘oh… Oh my nuffleness! It appears that the head coach of the Piemen Matt Smith is calling out the madcap midgets coach Andy Hawkes to… And I quote
.. prove who the best stunty team is in WoWLoF!’
*Ghaastie wakes up with a jolt* ‘You wot fam?’
‘I know how exciting… We await the Madcap’s reply!’
*Sound of fizzing off stage*
‘Is that you Ghaastie?’
‘Nah, me don’t fizz’
*Gilbert wanders back on stage holding a bomb, skipping as he approaches*
‘No Gilbert… Don’t… Stop, wait!’ *Binky runs off stage followed by Gilbert*
‘Eh yo… What day say on da bomb?… ‘ang on… I fink I can read it cos den words are small… I. T ‘S…. O.N.’
*Takes a minute for Ghaastie to register*
‘Yes fam… There’s gonna be a full on beef between them tiny teams… Piemen Vs Midgets!’
*Explosion off stage*
*Cameras go to static*
WOWLOF Super Crunch
‘Welcome back to everyone who joined us for the WoWCoF crunch on Cabal2 and if you’re just joining us for the first time this afternoon, then you’re in for an absolute treat…’ ‘Deez boss men are blessed, me tell ya’ ‘Yes I think what Ghaastie is trying to say is that with the WoWLoF Super Crunch playoffs, these really are the best teams the league has to offer’ ‘Them score bare touchdowns, smash up dem opponents like splat, kchacckk, ka-ting, ka-ting, true blessed in the name of Nuffle’
IT’S CRUNCH TIME IN WOWCOF
‘Hello everybody… welcome to the Crunch! I’m Binky Bilgewater and with me is Big Ghaastie. This is the day that sorts the men from from the boys on the hallowed turf of the WoWLoF field’
“Eh… you should know about sortin dem men from de boyz.. you get me?’
‘I don’y quite understand your meaning there Ghaastie, do you care to explain’
‘Nah fam… I’m guessing that those that know know, ya feel me out there me bredbin” *Ghaastie points out to audiance*
And so now my friends there is great joy and great sadness as we reach the final curtain. Great joy because the story we have told has been truly epic. There has been heroism, there has been pride, there has been strength in adversity. There has been nobility, sportsmanship, great rivalries and bitter emnities. But sadness as well because it’s over for another year.
There is no getting away from it. This is the biggest night in the history of wowlof. A record number of games! Every participant still able to make the play offs! Seeding spots still up for grabs. I cannot find a superlative that seems to do it justice. So ill just call it Tuesday!!! Because this is how we role in this the greatest of leagues. This is how we role in WoWLoF.
Welcome back folks to the Penultimate week of our regular season. That’s right people. The end is in sight and its time to get serious!
As ever this weeks Preview is brought to you by https://www.tritex-games.co.uk/ If you are thinking of starting a new team for next season now would be a good time to check them out and see what you can put together!
Let us begin with Bugmans and the two games this week from there.
– – – – – – – – – –
Foul and Tickle vs Madcap Midgets
It was never expected to be a good match for the Midgets, Dwarfs being strong, tough and rather well trained at tackling away dodgers. While Goblins being, well, goblins. But despite this 21,000 fans in total showed up (in the Midgets favour) to watch the game.
Maybe this could be the Midgets moment of glory? It certainly started that way, the crowd went wild as Ripper Bolgrot took to the field, and as the kick was made fellow troll Dan Vamme, not wanting to be shown up by the star player (and in a rare moment of lucidity) took out Losgrom Nightmane with a vicious tackle. Luckily the apothecary was there to bandage up any serious injuries. Dickie Mork, in true fanatic fashion, dominated the centre line until he was eventually ganged upon and knocked out by the dwarves and even newbie Looney Craniel Daig looked to be earning his money, fouling and hacking at the bearded ones with abandon.
Foul and tickle put up a good defence but The Midgets seemed to actually be gaining the upper hand – until a lucky tackle freed up the ball and the goblins characteristic bad luck began to show. Grutgurum Ironguard wiped out Rurt Kussel and the momentum was gone. Greenskin after greenskin began to fall to the floor as the ball was expertly stolen, then ran in by Grukdrem Ashtank. 1-0 to F&T by the end of the first half.
Things went from bad to worse in the second half, now lacking both secret weapons and any numerical superiority Foul and Tickle systematically took the Madcap Midgets apart. Despite the best efforts of Ripper and Van Damme the Dwarf armour was just too touch to crack – as Losgrom Nightmane almost took Let Ji’s head off with a violent tackle, and Halmorlun Gaintbelly managed to tickle Nuck Chorris so much he was forced to leave the game, in hysterics and at risk of a coronary. Grukdrem managed to run two more touchdowns in and it was all the Midgets could do to try to exact some measure of revenge in the final moments, with Farrison Hjord laying a beatdown on Duridouk Ironmantle.
Baby Bells vs System of a Touchdown
Much had been said in the pre-match press conferences, and as the fans packed into the stadium they were hoping for bloodshed, regardless of who it was.
The Bells kicked the ball to System, the fans cheered and the game was underway.
Although a slow start to the match as the Baby Bell players were pushed back by the strong line of Chaos Warriors, one thing was evident: System were out to target Roquefort.
Blitzes from Beastmen and Chaos Warriors alike targetted the Skaven legend, but nothing seemed to take him down. Then, the players parted and the crowd fell silent. Roquefort’s eyes met those of his foe; Chop Suey. The Chaos Warrior charged and the battle was truly on.
So with season VI readily approaching a new team have announced their intent to join it!
The Spartak Moscelfs – coached by Tzar Nicolelf, and captained by Rasputelf. The Moscelfs pride themselves of being able to weasel their way out of anything. However the decision to join the league has been made to try and bring some unity within the squad, as Lelf Trotsky and Vladimir Lenelf has been calling for a fairer wage structure and generally stirring up dissent.
However it remains to be seen if they can bridge these gaps, but if they do a sleeping giant could awaken and the full ability of the Moscelfs could be achieved!
WoWLoF News, Period 4 has arrived.
“Greetings BloodBowl fans, I’m Brenda, bringing to you MY show. The WoWLoF Preview Show with Brenda.
I am unfortunately joined by the rather annoying Amanto Hugnkyss, former player of the Southfarthing Piemen. Who for contractual reasons I have to tolerate on MY show”.
“Oh darling, I am so glad that your back. And may I say how fabulous you look”
“No you may not! So let’s get the show underway, and let all you BloodBowl fans know what you can look forward to this week. Our first game is the Waaarghiors who take on The Poker Men. It’s going to be a busy week for the Waaarghiors who play twice over the next few days, and the question is do they have the staying power?”
In Blood Bowl as in life some rivalries transcend the norm. Some emnity becomes so great as to take on its own life force to have its own power and will, to carve out its own destiny. There is a fine line between love and hate, between friendship and distrust. The greatest rivalries then are formed when a perfect friendship is broken. When love and fealty crumble in the face of ambition and greed.
Monday Night Blood Bowl in conjunction with Tritex Games returns with a bang live from the Robin’s Nest Stadium as defending WoWCoF Champions the Badizt Basherz take on the seemingly unstoppable Darkland Doomaxes. As if the game wasn’t big enough, the rivalry between the coaches adds an extra spice to things. You see Doomaxes Coach Robin Neill brought Basherz Coach Daniel Cunningham into WoWLoF last season. Acted as his mentor and helped him navigate the choppy waters of his first season. One can only imagine how Neill(already driven into the lunatic arms of the chaos God’s by the repetitive deaths of his Ogre Ray Meats) felt seeing Cunningham lift the WoWCoF in his first season. I’m sure it was made worse when his Troll Vomitspawn quit the team and signed for the Basherz. The anger, the humiliation and the sense of injustice must have been humiliating….. and so Neil was pushed into the arms of the only race that would understand – Chaos Dwarves. As for Cunningham, many think he is blissfully unaware of his former friends termoil coaching Orcs is after all a business devoid of the need for much emotional connection.
Hello Everybody and welcome back to another exciting week of WoWLoF. We are now over halfway through period three and the tables are taking some sort of shape. As we all know things can all change on the roll of a single die so anyone currently struggling, you may still make the play-offs. Those league tables look very tight in the middle. As always we’d like to thank Jason Tritex Thornton and https://www.tritex-games.co.uk/ for sponsoring this league. Feel free to check them out, they are here for all your gaming needs.
Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen, Oli, Welcome back to another week of WoWLoF, the second week of period 3 is about to begin and what the FREAKING HELL IS GOING ON?!! The tables are turning and things are not going the way I thought they would. A Previous champion has returned to fill the gaping hole left behind by the departure of a fan favourite and WoWLoF has JOB VACANCIES?! Oh my days things just get crazy sometimes.. I bet Jason Tritex Thornton is glad he threw in with us lot, its a good job we have https://www.tritex-games.co.uk/ to help us with all our gaming needs. That reminds me… I might make a Khemri team… Better click the link and see what I can Buy…
And so dawn rises on Period 3. The first week of the beginning of the end, we’re over halfway and everyone is going strong. In getting this far we’ve had thrills and spills, we’ve lost a dear friend and we’ve all made sacrifices. With 16 play off places to play for and 8 more weeks to go, shit is starting to get real.
Can the early leaders maintain the pace, who will come from no where to make a challenge and what the fuck will the Piemen do next.
This weeks WoWLoF sponsored by www.tritex-games.co.uk sees some fascinating fixtures
“Good evening Bloodbowl fans, I’m Brenda, live at the match between the Southfarthing Piemen & Warpstone Lovers. It is absolute carnage here, bedlam even, and rumours are abound that Lovers have angered Nuffle himself. For those of you who have missed this match, allow me to fill you in on this evenings events.
The Piemen, without Spruce Lee, recruited Deeproot and Zara for this matchup. Coach Watson looked perturbed, but regardless his team got off to a flier with star gutter runner, Creep, scoring in the first few minutes. He then capitalised on the Piemen’s inability to pick up a ball to sprint in, and put the Lovers 2-0 up.
Coach Watson was looking relieved, but this game was about to turn on its head.
Coach Smith was seen bellowing at his players, and this obviously woke them up as Franky Footstool gathered the ball, and was throw by Capt. James T. Birch to pull one back. 2-1 going into halftime.
Breaking News WoWLoF fans. I’m Brenda, and I’m back with a special bulletin. Just confirmed for tomorrow evening, last minute game added to the fixture list. It’s THE SOUTHFARTHING PIEMEN vs THE WARPSTONE LOVERS.
This will be an interesting matchup with the Piemen going against Skaven for the first time, and without star treeman, Spruce Lee, who was injured last time out against the Basherz. But head coach Matt Smith, is a crafty one, and will surely have hired one or two replacements. As for the Lovers, they have two gutter runners in Tsace Creep & Knetrch Mud who are scoring for fun, and I’m sure their other runners will soon catch up in the touchdown scoring stakes.
Theme music 🎶 plays, a true fanfare. The lights gently increase in intensity until the studio is illuminated fully. The drapes and set scenery are brilliant blue’s, yellow’s and green’s. Seated on a huge chair, atop six pillows, is the most flamboyantly dressed halfling. The camera zooms in.
“Greetings my darlings, and welcome to ‘The WoWLoF Preview Show’, hosted by the wonderfully fabulous Amanto Hugnkyss. That’s me. This new format will see me joined by my long time friend, Spruce Lee. Starting Treeman for The Southfarthing Piemen”.
Welcome back to another week of WoWLoF Sports fans and what a strange one we have for you.
As always this is sponsored by Jason Tritex Thornton of https://www.tritex-games.co.uk/ Check them out for all your gaming needs.
Lets kick off this pre-show with Bloodweiser where we see Skaven Vs Nurgle!!
Olde Ratty Gitz Vs Kurgan Kings
Dan Reynolds VS Martin William
This week where we see the Gitz looking to move up to joint first alongside those pesky Dark Elfs and we see the Kings looking to avoid the meat grinder down there at the bottom of the table..
WoWLoF Period 2, match previews 10 Apr.
Good evening sports fans, and welcome to this weeks WoWLoF period 2, preview show. I’m Brenda, your host for the evening, and tonight I’m once again joined by two season veteran of the Southfarthing Piemen, Amanto Hugnkyss. Once again thanks for joining me this evening Amanto.
“Oh Darling, I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. And might I say how wonderful you look this evening, the leather and horns really bring out the glow in your eyes”
WoWLoF, last week of period 1.
Welcome Bloodbowl fans to WoWLoF, brought to you by Tritex Game of Staffordhiem, for all your Bloodbowl needs. I’m Brenda, and what an action packed period we’ve had, and it’s not over yet. We have four more brutal matches for you this week, but before we get into those, let me introduce this weeks guests.
First up we have regular pundit and friend of the show, Nuralja Pestigor. Due to an unfortunate drink driving allegation, Twitch won’t be with us this week. But we have a special guest this week, straight from his match against the Dead Skins, Amanto Hugnkyss from the Southfarthing Piemen.
“Thank you darling, mwah mwah”
So Amanto, you got injured last week, how are are you feeling tonight?
“Well darling, I’m unfortunately out for the season, but this will allow me time to promote my new line of scarfs. They are fabulous, do you not think?”
They are certainly ….. colourful.
“Why thank you darling mwah mwah”
Week 3 WoWLoF Preview.
“Don’t change your crystal balls viewers, you’re exactly where you should be. This is your WoWLoF preview show, and I’m Brenda. Once again I am joined by our two resident Blood Bowl experts, and former WoWLoF legends, Twitch and Nuralja.
“Let’s jump straight into the upcoming action, as we take a look at the upcoming DRAKENHOFF DANCERS vs KURGAN KINGS. Being a former Nurgle player yourself, lets come to you first Nuralja”.
Nuralja – “Well Brenda, this is actually a tough one to call. The KINGS are new to WoWLoF this season, and that in itself can present a whole host of different pressures. They need to find a rhythm and quickly. But they do have a potentially good signing in Flu Lee, who I believe likes to be called ‘Tiny’. This beast is big and strong, and has the potential to cause some serious injurie to any who go against him.”
“Blood Bowl is well and truly back. Touchdowns will be scored and blood will be spilt. I’m Brenda, and this is WoWLoF.
During this week’s show, we will bring you three big match previews. But first allow me to introduce two former WoWLoF legends, who join me in analysing this weeks matches. First up we have a player who holds a Fido Bowl winners medal. One of the most prolific touchdown scorers ever to grace the league, holding at one time the record for most TDs. Please welcome former Dirty Rats great, Twitch. Welcome to the show.”
Blood & Guts Magazine Presents WOWLOF 4
FIDO MEMORIAL BOWL
Prehensile Renegades vs System of a Touchdown
Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to the Blood & Guts Magazine’s Fido Memorial Bowl special.
In this issue we will reviewing each teams progress to the final, taking an in depth look at the strengths of both side and hearing from Blood Bowl Legends Grishnak Blackhoof & Sillibilli .
The fourth season of the Wargamers of Wolverhampton League of Fear Tournament (WOWLOF) has been the biggest in its history with 96 games so far. We’ve had a record number of fatalities with 43. Vampire Thrall is the most killed player type, narrowly beating out Human lineman and Snotling.
We’ve had a record number of casualties with 386 at an average of 4.02 per game and a record number of touchdowns with 273 at an average of 2.8 per game. Truly and utterly phenomenal.
Returning superstars like Chop Suey, Hopper, Maggie and Stitch have been joined by new names like Cotan, Teh-Kan, Darkhoof, James T Birch, Grova, Atticus, Likeabatoutahelf, Roquefort, The Mummy and Growthrow to name a few. We’ve seen the birth of new legends and start of new epic stories.
We’ve continued the extended play off period starting with quarter finals that has worked better than ever and also a plate competition called the WowCof.
Enjoy this special issue of Blood and Guts and thank you for taking part.
“What a season it has been in the WoWLoF. We have new champions to celebrate, both of whom have give us thrills, spills and a fair amount of kills. Lady’s, gentlemen, dwarfs and trolls, I’m Brenda, and this is your season 4 summary.”
“This past season saw the creation of three leagues in WoWLoF. We had Bugmans, Bloodweiser, and Orcidas. With a host of new teams joining, such as Da Badizt Basherz, Baby Bells, Southfarthing Piemen and the Village Green Preservation Society, plus many others.
We had saw blood spilt and Bloodbowl careers cut short, as we lost fan favourites such as Snowy the werewolf. Killed playing against new entrants to the league, the Prehensile Renegades.
In addition we also lost potential rookie of the year, Roscoe Fatfingers of the Piemen. After making an unbelievable interception and assist for an unlikely Touchdown, he was smashed by the both beautiful and viscous dark elf, Maggie.”