“Good morning my bloodthirsty Bloodbowl viewers, and welcome to this weeks review show. I’m Brenda, your host and the latest model for Minotaur Horn Polish. Remember folks, when your horns shine, so do you”
“Up first is a match many were expecting to be a blood bath, and it was. But also a match that kept viewers riveted to their crystal balls for the twists and turns it had. Let’s pass over to our man at the ground, everyone else’s favourite roving reporter, Skimpy McShortarse”.
“Oh my Brenda, what a match we had. But the drama actually started in the tunnel as the players lined up. The Norse players of the Shropshire Blues were nervous, jumpy even. As the Piemen entered the tunnel, the bigger Norse players couldn’t bring themselves to look at the snarling Halflings. The little folk were snarling and frothing at the mouth, apparently coach Fairfoot had refused to give them BOTH second and third breakfasts this morning. Ever been close to a hungry halfling? Well the Norse clearly didn’t like it.
The teams ran onto the pitch, the fans were more like an angry mob, they too were frothing at the mouth.
The teams squared off against each other. The Norsican coach bellowing at his team, the Halflings snarling on the line of scrimmage. Just before the whistle blew, a rock came hurtling down and hit runner Bragi. What a throw, Bragi was out, and was seriously hurt. He was carried off the pitch for the Norse Apothecary to work some magic. Halfling coach Norbert Fairfoot, was already in the crowd with a contract in hand, trying to sign up the plucky halfling who had thrown said rock. The whistle blew, game on.
What a start to the match it was, Ve Ericsson punched Ram McLargefist laying him out cold, and then followed up by knocking out Stonas Strongweed. This attempt to thin the halfling ranks had opened up a small gap which Tommy Tealeaf sought to expose. Unfortunately whilst trying to dodge around the youngest of clan Ericsson, Ivaldi, young Tommy tripped over a stray baguette and broke his neck. Young Tommy will never play again.
Spruce Lee saw that Odin was laughing at the plight of little Tommy, so punched Odin so hard his ribs were broken. Odin may struggle to be fit for the next game.
Milo Sproutleaf was slapped by Thor, putting him out for the game also, Thor scoring the Blues first casualty. But before the fans could catch their breath, Ve struck again fracturing the leg of Borin Dunderhead, ooooo he’s gonna be out for a while.
The fans couldn’t believe it, 2 Blues players out, 3 Piemen out and several knocked out as well. Whilst this was all going on Tyr Ericsson had ran the ball into the endzone for a TOUCHDOWN !!!
1-0 Shropshire Blues
“Does lightning strike twice? In this match it does as an over zealous Norse fan threw a rock and Stonas Strongweed who had only just got back into the game was now out for good with a fractured skull. Halflings really are a bit squishy.
Treemen, Spruce Lee and Capt. James T. Birch, disposed of both Kavaisr & Loki respectively. The ranks of Norse were thinning at an alarming rate.
Mo Hamson had gathered the kick off and was running towards Harvey Crumble for the hand off. Mo dropped the ball, which fortunately was gathered by Harvey. Capt. Birch picked up Harvey and hurled him down the field for a classic halfling play, but Harvey couldn’t land. The ball was loose.
Not for long as Tyr picks it up, runs and throws to Frigg. OMG the pass is no good and scatters. Here it is though, Mel Hamson collects the ball and throws to Harvey but again the ball is thrown badly and comes to rest in the middle of four Norse linemen. But whilst they were busy arguing who was going to pick up said ball, Harvey Crumble had sneaked into their midst. He gathered the ball and ran it in to the endzone for a TOUCHDOWN!!!
1-1 End of the half.
After the immensely violent and shocking first half, would the second period live up to it.
Well, the ball was kicked out and found itself in the safe hands of Mo Hamson, who was attacked by Ulfwerner Forsetiu, who managed to push Mo back before tripping over and landing on his face. Wanting to help out his brother Bragi who had been given the all clear by the Norse doc, ran at Mo who closed his eyes and held out the ball. When the impending impact didn’t land, Mo opened one eye to see Bragi sprawled out on the floor. You don’t have to tell a halfling twice, and he ran, and kept running. Unfortunately Mo began to believe his own hype and ran out breath before reaching the endzone. Fell over exhausted. We won’t see Mo again this game. Bragi who had recovered stamped on Mel Hamson, breaking his leg put Mel out for a few weeks.
Meanwhile Baldar had collected the ball and ran it into the endzone for the Blues TOUCHDOWN!!!
The clock was ticking down, and the Piemen were desperately looking for the equaliser. They collected the ball and were looking for the throw halfling play again. But the Norse had finally found their groove and were determined to keep hold of their slender lead. But wait, here’s the play.
Capt. Birch who had taken root on the line of scrimmage picked up Stumpy McNumpty who had got the ball to the half way line and the crowd drew breath waiting to see a fat halfling fly. But Birch couldn’t get the leverage bing rooted, and he dropped Stumpy. But he did land on his feet and tried to run into the Norse half.
Tyr tackled Stumpy, and collected the ball. He saw that Bragi was open upfield so the thrower hurled the ball up field. SHOCKING, he failed to find Bragi with a clean pass. That’s two he’s failed with tonight, and the Norse coach is not happy.
But with only moments of the match left, and no Halflings able to reach the ball, Bragi collected it and began to stroll towards the endzone. What and end to what has been an eventful match that could have gone either way.
But wait a second, Spruce Lee had picked up Amanto Hugnkyss, and was glaring at Bragi. He drew his arm back and threw Amanto at the cocky Norse.
Blues players were yelling, but Bragi clearly thought they were cheering him on. It wasn’t until he heard the piecing cry of Amanto getting closer that he began to look around. When he finally realised when the war cry was coming from, he looked up and froze. Crunch ………. Amanto landed at the feet of Bragi. Relief washed over the Norse players face, and he turned to score the final TOUCHDOWN!!!
3-1 Blues win. Back to you Brenda.
“Well the final score suggests a comfortable win for the Norsemen. But it was close, with pain on both sides, and injuries galore. But in Bloodbowl, and definitely within the WOWLOF, the win counts for everything, and the maybes are just tavern chat for the losing fans.
The Blues march on, whilst the Piemen have some recruiting to do once again. Thanks for sticking with us, and I’ll see you next time. I’m Brenda, and this is WOWLOF”
|November 7, 2017||7:30 pm||Bloodweiser||Season IV|
|The Notorious P.I.G||Halfling||0||0||0|
|Spruce Lee||Halfling Treeman||1||0||0|
|Capt James T. Birch||Halfling Treeman||0||0||0|