Lords of the Pie

There has been much talk in the close season about why I left the Southfarthing Piemen, to become coach of a High Elf team. Allow me to share with you how this decision came to be …………..

The grand hall was resplendent, with marble pillars, intricately decorated and inset with gems. Drapes hung from the ceilings, gently shimmering in the breeze from the open windows. The tall figure knew that he was no longer alone, despite a sound not being made.

“My Lord. He has arrived.”

A small smile appeared on the figures porcelain face, “Thank you Erolith. Please send our guest in”. The loud footsteps could be heard approaching, and although not unpleasant to his ears, the sound did began to grate on him.

“My Lord, may I introduce Coach Smith of the Southfarthing Piemen”. The tall elf turned to face the human male, and for a moment doubt cast in his mind. Was he about to make a horrendous decision? He dismissed this thought as quickly as it appeared, and he stepped forward.

“Coach Smith, welcome to the Elven kingdom of Athelorn. I am Lord Venrie”. The human male shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I presume you are wondering why I have asked you here. Allow me to explain”. The elven lord began to walk through the hall, his guest following just behind. “For centuries my kin have made the finest pastries throughout the old world, creating a near monopoly on all pie related sales. Never has anyone been able to compete with our product, for how can you compete with perfection”. The Elven Lord paused in front of the most beautiful of tapestries, Coach Smith now stood by his side. “Yet despite the fame and quality of our goods, it all changed a year ago”. Lord Venrie turned to face Coach Smith, and although his expression had not changed, there was the subtlest change in his demeanour. “The Southfarthing Piemen appeared. Their success in the world of Blood Bowl, the cult following they have created, has meant that their Pie sales have soared, whilst mine for the first time in more 300 years have fallen”.

Coach Smith, for the first time since his arrival, became uneasy and began to look around for possible exits. “I don’t see what that has to do with me”.

Lord Venrie took a deep breath, “It has everything to do with you. Southfarthing Pies would never have reached customers as far and wide, were it not for the success of their Blood Bowl team. The team you coached”.

Coach Smith was taken aback, “but we won only a handful of games, drew several more. How on earth has that ……..”

“It is not the success of the team, but the style of play. You created a team that was fearless, that pushed many opponents to their limits and beyond. The Piemen became a force both on and off the pitch, and with that came advertising that I could not hope to compete with”. Lord Venrie began to walk once more, gliding across the marble floor.

“So why am I here?” demanded Coach Smith. “Do you intend to cause me harm? Or worse?”

Lord Venrie smiled, flashing his perfect teeth. “No. I am a High Elf Lord, please do not compare me to my dark elf kin. I wish to employ you”. Coach Smith stopped in his tracks, a look of puzzlement was clear on his face. “Allow me to be more specific. I wish for you to coach my newly created Blood Bowl team, and bring success to my kin once again. Through that success, sales of our pastries shall soar, and once more we shall dominate the pie market”.

“Let me get this straight. You want me, a human, to leave the Piemen. A team I helped build from nothing. To turn my back on those that have provided me with an opportunity to prove to the world of Blood Bowl that I am not a joke, but in fact a damn good coach! You’re off you head if you think I’m so easily swayed”.

“This is exactly why I want you. Please, before you leave, allow me make you an offer”. Lord Venrie signalled for Erolith, and the elf entered the hall carrying a chest. “This will be your initial payment, a signing on fee if you will”. The chest contained gems & gold coins, a small fortune in fact. “You shall also have complete control of yours and the team image rights. If you agree, you shall have an initial one season contract, with an option for a second. Be under no illusions, I need you to bring me success both on the pitch, and in the savoury goods market. What do you say, I am fully aware that you have yet to sign a new contract with the Piemen”.

Coach Smith began to slowly pace back to the tapestry on the wall, pausing to admire its beauty. He turned to face Lord Venrie, the elf remained motionless, like a beautiful marble statue. “If i were to be your new coach. What I say goes. If you are serious with this, then you must give me complete control for this to work. If you do, I shall bring you success both on and off the pitch”.

“Then you shall have it”.

“I want to ensure you understand what I am saying Lord Venrie. I HAVE COMPLETE CONTROL, and all decisions with regards to Blood Bowl and the team come from me.”

Lord Venrie smiled once more, “well then Coach Smith, would you like to meet your new team?”

“Do they have a name?”

“Consider that your second decision of the day to make, as I suspect that your first will be to accept my offer”.

Coach Smith smiled, “it is a decision I have already made Lord Venrie. I accept your offer to be the new Head Coach of ‘Lords of the Pie’. Please lead the way to my new team”.

Together, the human and elf walked through the open glass doors, into the elven gardens. Within those gardens was the most beautiful Blood Bowl pitch, with a large number of elves waiting to meet their new coach …….

Coach Matt Smith

Lords of the Pie

RhubarbLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman000
VeggieLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman010
CottageLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman020
PukkaLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman000
PecanLords of the PieHigh Elf Catcher001
1BakewellLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman040
2BlueberryLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman211
3BlackberryLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman000
4CherryLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman221
5AppleLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman000
6SugarLords of the PieHigh Elf Lineman010
7DrizzleLords of the PieHigh Elf Catcher201
8RazzleberryLords of the PieHigh Elf Thrower1100
9SteakLords of the PieHigh Elf Blitzer022
10AleLords of the PieHigh Elf Blitzer110
11TreacleLords of the PieHigh Elf Catcher335
13MinceLords of the PieHigh Elf Thrower600